


Too Close

by Makairia



Series: AvengerKink meme fills [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Howard's A+ Parenting, I am unable to write complete sentences., Just because Pepper shows emotions doesn't mean she's not strong, Mature Tony, No post-breakup resolution, Stream of Consciousness, Tony starts everything with the word "and.", Tony's got some issues., allusions to alcohol and alcoholism/alcoholics, break-up fic, but it's not directly referenced, everything's passively mentioned though, hints at Tony's PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makairia/pseuds/Makairia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avengers kink meme fill</p><blockquote>
  <p>"I'd like to see a story in which Pepper and Tony break up because she wants to have children, possibly even to be a stay at home mom, while Tony does not want to have children at all. The breakup can be as understated or acrimonious as you like, but they both realize that they each have valid reproductive desires that don't match and love isn't going fix it. No Tony being convinced that he'll love the kid and be a great dad if he just gives it a shot. No Pepper deciding that giving up on something she's wanted since she was a child herself is worth having this particular man."</p>
</blockquote><p>Or, Tony finally bites the bullet, is oddly mature about it, loves Pepper more than anything, but can't handle the thought of children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Close

**Author's Note:**

> Another kmeme fill, located [here](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/12672.html?thread=29581952).

When Tony and Pepper finally moved from _coworkers and occasional friends_ to relationship, the Feelings Talks were…okay, Tony toning down his self-destructive tendencies was good, and the sex was _great_.

Talk of children started as offhand comments, Pepper testing the water, and Tony smoothly (panicky) deflecting and distracting. But as time wore on, Tony realized that Pepper wasn’t just teasing, but found herself comfortable enough to start opening up some of her greatest desires with Tony. And that scared the shit out of him.

And he was doing better for Pepper. For Pepper, Tony would move mountains, and command oceans. But there were just some things that Tony couldn’t handle – couldn’t even begin to fathom, even. Having a child wasn’t the issue; Tony knew that Pepper would shine under the glow of pregnancy. Would just be radiant with happiness to have children. And Tony wanted more than anything in the world to be the one to give his Pepper that happiness. Just, the thought of _him_ with children that were _his_ responsibility and _his_ to cherish and love promptly pushed Tony back to times of whiskey-flavored breath, and _Tony! You_ know _you’re not supposed to be down here! Go bother your mother._ and _Can’t you tell I’m busy – an’ stop your crying, boy! Starks don’t cry!_ Time has dulled those wounds to a bitter ache, but Tony couldn’t possibly think of subjecting another child to the horrors of Stark-brand parenting.

 _You think you’re better’n me, boy? Gon’ be a better person? A better_ father _? Just you wait; you’re gon’ grow up and you’ll be jus’ like your old man!_

***

It was after another routine villain roundup (where did these morons keep _coming_ from?) that Tony found himself contemplating a worried Pepper, yesterday’s talk of _feelings_ and _future children_ weighing heavily on his mind.

The suit had taken a glancing blow from Mjolnir, when the toxic powder the Villain of the Day released caused Thor to sneeze in the middle of a hammer throw, so Tony excused himself early to head back to the tower for some much needed repairs (and if it got him out of the debrief, well, Tony’s learned to count small favors wherever he could), if _enough force to topple a building_ could be considered a _glancing blow_. 

There were a couple issues removing the armor, and Tony’s arm suffered a vicious-looking – but ultimately minor – electrical burn from where a few wires punctured the bodysuit, ala Thor’s hammer.

So lost was he in his internal musings that Tony completely missed Pepper entering his workshop, and had to fight down the desire to flinch away from her in surprise, despite her gentle hands. Absentmindedly, he realized that he hadn’t made any progress cleaning or bandaging his arm in the last few minutes, and that Pepper finished the job for him.

“Tony. You need to be more careful; what if that shock shorted your arc reactor, and no one was here to help you – or next time it’s more than a burn, and you’ve just lost too much blood – or – ” Pepper rambled, her usual fluidity and coherency gone, alerting Tony to the gravity of the situation. 

“And if we ever have kids, Tony, you’ll have to think of them, too. How devastated would they be to find you battered and half-way unconscious on a near-daily basis?” Tony let out a long breath, before voicing the topic that had been floating around like an unseen miasma for weeks. 

“Pepper, love. I don’t – I don’t think this is going to work out. You can’t expect me to put you _and_ the children in a position where you could end up watching me die, let alone a situation with me and children." Tony’s heart went from aching to shattered at the look in Pepper’s eyes. This conversation was a long time coming, but that knowledge didn’t make it any easier on either party.

Tony gently grasped Pepper’s arms, and gave a melancholy smile. “Pepper, hey, Pep. Come on, Pepper pot. Let’s be realistic; you and I both knew from the start that this wasn’t going to work. And we both know it’s not from a lack of trying.” He leaned in, still anchored by her shoulders, and nested his face near her ear, breathing in deeply, making soothing noises. Tony didn’t know who he was trying to soothe more.

Pepper allowed herself a few more moments of grief and overwhelming sadness and _they just tried so hard and it still didn’t work out_ before returning Tony’s awkward hug for just a brief few seconds, and just taking in _Tony_.

“You know I love you more than anything in the world, Pepper. Nothing will ever change that. You’re still all I have, Pep.”

“I know, Tony. I know. But I can’t be your everything anymore. You’ve got your Avengers and I’ve got your slack.” Tony was silent for a few moments, before speaking up.

“I really did think that we were going to work out, y’know. It’s just – in a perfect world. A world without Tony Stark’s massive ego and insecurities in the way. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I used to imagine it; what kind of parent you’d be. How your kids would look. Who they’d take after – and it was never just one child. A boy and a girl, some days. Twin girls and a boy on others. All perfect, always taking after their mother in more than just looks.

“And then I tried to add myself to that equation. And if it was numbers and math and symbols and logic then it’d have a simple answer. But no matter what I imagined, all I could see was the wreckage. Our first fight in front of the kids when they’re old enough to understand that Mommy and Daddy aren’t happy with each other. My first fight with the kids. And all I can see is how I’d push them away from me; push me away from them. Drown myself in work, in alcohol, in angry words, in isolation, and them in neglect.

“And I just can’t do that to them. It wouldn’t be fair to the kids, it wouldn’t be fair to you, and it wouldn’t be fair to me.” Pepper had started to run her fingers though Tony’s hair while he was talking, and continued the almost pattern through the following silence. Just a way of mutual comfort.

Tony had to restrain himself from holding her close and hiding his Pepper from the world, begging her to take him back – he’d do _anything_ and even reconsider the kids, just whatever Pepper wanted, he wanted to give her anythinganythinganything. But not even Tony Stark could self-delude enough to believe that it could work out.

In another world, maybe. A world where he wasn't with Pepper; wasn't with someone he loved more than all the things in the world, could he father children.

It was with her head held high, shoulders squared, and footsteps purposeful that Pepper left with full dignity, no looking back.

And if Tony and Pepper reverted to Mr. Stark and Miss Potts? Well, that’s just how things go.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope I didn't screw up the characterization too much; particularly Pepper's. I wanted to show that even though she's a serious BAMF, Pepper's still human, and still has emotions, and sometimes things are just too much to hide behind a mask of srsbusinessmode!pepper. Tony came from the fact that, yes, he is oftentimes a child in a man's body, but he's trying _so_ hard for Pepper, to be strong for her like she always has been for him, at least once.
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this at two in the morning, so it's still a little choppy and needs a bit of editing. Might get around to that later. Might not. ^^;
> 
> Title's from Alex Clare's "Too Close."
> 
> (Bit of editing 12/16/12)


End file.
